I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
