No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
