soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
