Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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