we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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