If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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