I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
