you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
