How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
