im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
