you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
