all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
