i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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