i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize