If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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