you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
