Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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