his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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