FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
