also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
