how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
