Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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