Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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