btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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