I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
