Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
