I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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