so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
