do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my poor anus
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
