please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
