Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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