I wish I could teleport
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
