Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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