Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
