Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
