i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
