Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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