Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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