dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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