Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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