Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
