I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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