1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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