why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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