Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
