look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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