My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
