i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
