Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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