I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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