I want to stick my p in your. b.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
