If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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