It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She said her name was "party"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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