Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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