you thought your balls were fighting each other...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
