and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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