I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
