we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
