Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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