Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
