Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
