Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
