I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
