you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
