I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
