She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I party with great urgency now.
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