I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
