so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You left your phone here
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