even my farts smell like vagina
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
