The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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