dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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