Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
