Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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