please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
