Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize