Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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