so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize