I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
