the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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