i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
