Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
